A year ago today I was the poster child for stress case.
-I hated my job and was trying to transfer to a different position but no go.
-trying to find the source of my unfertileness, no go.
-learning to live with mom again, somewhat go.
My regular girl doc repeatedly had no appt's for me, so I was forced to see his R.N. Generally I am ok with seeing R.N.'s cause in the past I have had some great ones. However, this one was a beast. She never listened to my concerns, treated me for things that I didn't need treated, prescribed whatever the drug rep's wanted her to and in the meantime made me into a female version of the Incredible Hulk. Every time she had to touch me I felt I offended her cause I left feeling bruised and abused.
After a month or so of her abuse, she finally referred me to an Endocrinologist to find out the source of why I am not getting pregnant. This guy ran blood tests every month for a few months and then told me to go see his OB/GYN "friend" for a second opinion. I went to his friend whose office was TERRIBLE!!! They always charged me for a specialist co-pay, treated me terribly cause I was not one of their 20 yr old knocked up Hispanic girls, and was very unsanitary. I actually got to see the Dr and though I was impressed with him and his answers. He told me he wanted to get my body pregnant ready which is what I wanted. Though I liked him and where I saw the situation going, I did not care to go there ever again cause he didn't impress me that much that I would put up with his horrible staff.
As if this crap wasn't enough, work was nearly equally as horrible. I could never do anything right. Even when I thought I did something right, I was told it wasn't good enough. To work with someone(s) who are constantly judging people on their appearances was very taxing. Kid you not, if you worked in a restaurant, would you make fun of what the health inspector was wearing to inspect your restaurant?! NO! You'd be making sure all your t's were crossed and i's dotted so when they had a question, you were ready to answer. But making fun of them was more important. And seriously, if it took you 15 minutes to find out whose job it was to fill the copier with paper, wouldn't you just fill the stupid thing and save the other 10 minutes for more important work?
Not to mention that I left my house at 730 am to get to work by 830, and then as long as traffic was ok, I would get home around 615 pm. That's right, my whole day evolved around work. There could've been a way for me to work from a branch closer to home, but I had already burnt bridges by hanging out and around the "other kids". I was refused plenty of times for a different position at one of the 3 branches closer to home and working from home as were 3 other employees. I realized that they didn't care about me at all and if I didn't care about me, then no one would.
My mom was also on month 4 of living with us. Big change from living on my own (for the most part) for the last 10 years. I use to get so angry that Jason would get home at 1 pm, and she would get to spend so much more time with Jason than me. I was still at work for 5-6 more hours!!!
January brought new resolutions. I was hoping to go back to school again. I hoped to get pregnant. I hoped to get healthier so I could get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. I wanted to be a better wife.
By April, I quit my job and found a new one. Closer to home and a lot less stress. I went to a R.N. my friend referred me to who put me on Metformin. Jason and I also started realizing that though mom is a guest in our house, who shouldn't have to entertain her. We were able to find a balance between giving up all our Jason and Jess time to only giving up some of it.
Here we are, at the near end of 09 and I am happy to say, Life is so good. Work is stressful some days, but at the end of the day, I go home and leave the stress at work. I am working part time and it's great. I'm home to cook for Jason some days. We spend a lot more time together. The Metformin has been working great. I've lost about 30 lbs since being put on it in March. They upped my dose in July/August and I have been having almost normal cycles which means we can hopefully get pregnant in the next few months.
I know everything happens for a reason. I know that everything happens when it's supposed to. It's pretty known, or at least I hope I've made it clear enough, that when we do finally get pregnant, it will be just Jason and I in the house preparing for Baby Graf to join our humble abode. So, in the meantime, I am making the best out of work and praying that mom sells her house. I know that this time will also help me and Jason prepare ourselves in becoming healthier.
Jason met me for lunch on Monday. We went to Wendy's. I use to be able to eat a triple cheeseburger with a large fry and drink from there and still be hungry. My appetite has shrunk to where I can barely finish my single cheeseburger, small fry and drink. I usually throw out 1/2 the fries and nearly the whole drink. Jason, who always eats his double or triple cheeseburger and finishes what I don't want of mine, got a single. I asked him if he was feeling ok, and his response really touched me. He said, "I've had to convince myself that I don't always need to eat a triple cheeseburger just cause I know I can."
Today I went to a new girl doctor. I have decided to never see my previous doctor again because I hate the way I'm treated there and it's so far away. I needed someone closer to my side of town. I loved that I got a few minutes to talk to him in his office before we jumped right on the table and had an examination. He wanted to know why I was there, we talked about getting pregnant. He understood why I was hesitant to go on Clomid. I also love that his office looks like how I want my house to look, warm, cozy and inviting.
I know the next few months are going to be amazing. I know that we have been blessed immensely over the last year and this next year is going to be so much better!
No comments:
Post a Comment