After finding out that everything is great with Jason, I've been waiting patiently for Aunt Flo to show up. She has finally gotten here after a few weeks of being late, and I'm way excited about this because.... I START CLOMID!
I'm a little nervous going on it. It seems like you have the normal side effects from most fertility enhancing or unenhancing drugs, except one of the side effects that I'm most concerned about is hair loss. Our kids definitely do not need 2 bald parents! I know it will be ok though. I have quite a bit of it, and it's not guaranteed that I will have that side effect.
I had to call my doctor today, so I did that. And I figured I should read up more on exactly what I should be expecting. I signed a release that was explained pretty much as, "You know there is a chance for multiples? Yes? Sign here." I read that paper today. I read every word and the last paragraph kind of riled me up.
The paper work mentions multiple gestations, but this is where I REALLY understood the situation, 'As a result, gestation of three or more fetuses are frequently reduced to twins by a process called Selective Termintation.' WHAT?! Continuing, 'This method involves the insertion of a needle through the mother's abdomen into one or more of the sacs, so that only twins remain. This procedure apperas to be effective, and preliminary reports have suggested that its safety record is acceptable. However, the procedure is quite new and must be considered experimental. The possibility that Selective Termination will result in loss of all fetuses must be considered.'
Oh Shiza! Lately I've been thinking of the idea of twins. I use to want them all growing up, and then I realized, that's a lot of work, so I decided that I wanted one at a time. ( i know, I know. Like we really have a choice.) After knowing that I'd be going on Clomid, I've been trying to prep my brain for the great possibility of twins. Which made it seem like a joke that for the last 2 years, I potentially could've had 2 kids, or 1 kid and then one more on the way, but no, we want to play catch up and give you two at a time. Thinking of the catch-up idea really set me off the other day at dinner when Jason and I thought of how great a tax write-off blessing and home loan modification blessing the kids would be. HA HA HA
However, when I read that there could be three or more, and that if it did happen we'd have to terminate the extras, I was crushed. I'm not for abortion. Never have been for it. It's a touchy topic so I'm not going to get on my soap box or anything, but I've been wanting to get pregnant for so long and when I do get pregnant, if with more than 3, how could I choose which ones I would need to terminate? So, I pray this today, please, only let me get pregnant with one or two. I do not want to make that choice. AND, it still says that it can result in the loss of all fetuses. So please, please, please, only one or two.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
It's not you, it's me...
Classic phrase that a lot of us dread, however, I'm totally stoked to be able to tell Jason those words. Jason had to go and do a most awkward procedure yesterday morning, and around 2:30 in the afternoon, he was told his guys are perfect. =)
I'm way excited that we are that much closer to finding out the true solution of why we're not conceiving. I also feel a little more relaxed, cause had it been Jason, I feel the procedures and billings would have been great.
Since we know it's not Jason, I will be going on Clomid. Little scary for us, but we aren't given any challenge we can't handle.
I'm way excited that we are that much closer to finding out the true solution of why we're not conceiving. I also feel a little more relaxed, cause had it been Jason, I feel the procedures and billings would have been great.
Since we know it's not Jason, I will be going on Clomid. Little scary for us, but we aren't given any challenge we can't handle.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
St Patty's Day
Day of luck? Maybe. I will apologize right now for not writing this in a journal, cause I may get negative, but this is to prove that to some of you who think I have a perfect life, I don't.
I woke up this morning with Jason and sent him on his way to work. I went back to bed for a little while, more like quite a few hours. When I woke up at about 9:30, I was still in a funk and thought, instead of lounging all day in my pj's, no make up on and hair in a ponytail, I thought taking a shower, doing my make-up and hair would make me feel better. Only so much...
Today I was supposed to find out if I was pregnant or not, and I can pretty much tell, I'm not. Every time I thought I might have been, the first question asked is, "Do you feel pregnant?" Being that I've never been pregnant, I have no clue what that feels like, and since I don't feel any worse, or better for that fact, than I usually do, I can honestly say, without going and purchasing another stupid piece of plastic, I am not. =( I've been trying not to let that get me down, as last night I had a burning in my heart that confirmed I will have kids, just not right now. We will have them when He is ready to give them to us.
I went to the college today to get some money back for classes that I had signed up for at the beginning of the semester. I started with 3 online classes and am down to one cause they are harder than I thought. However, I was informed by the cashier that I had to have dropped my classes by Jan 29 for a partial refund and because I dropped them the first week of Feb, there is no money due to me and I still owe the college funds for classes I didn't take. =( Perfect.
So, here I thought I was taking some steps forward, trying to get ahead in life, and as always, have been put in my place feeling lower than normal.
I'm off to go clean a Scout shirt with a smile on my face so I can enjoy the wonderful smile and hug I will receive when the wearer puts it on feeling loved. =)
Oh, and I am wearing green so don't pinch me.
Happy St Patty's Day.
I woke up this morning with Jason and sent him on his way to work. I went back to bed for a little while, more like quite a few hours. When I woke up at about 9:30, I was still in a funk and thought, instead of lounging all day in my pj's, no make up on and hair in a ponytail, I thought taking a shower, doing my make-up and hair would make me feel better. Only so much...
Today I was supposed to find out if I was pregnant or not, and I can pretty much tell, I'm not. Every time I thought I might have been, the first question asked is, "Do you feel pregnant?" Being that I've never been pregnant, I have no clue what that feels like, and since I don't feel any worse, or better for that fact, than I usually do, I can honestly say, without going and purchasing another stupid piece of plastic, I am not. =( I've been trying not to let that get me down, as last night I had a burning in my heart that confirmed I will have kids, just not right now. We will have them when He is ready to give them to us.
I went to the college today to get some money back for classes that I had signed up for at the beginning of the semester. I started with 3 online classes and am down to one cause they are harder than I thought. However, I was informed by the cashier that I had to have dropped my classes by Jan 29 for a partial refund and because I dropped them the first week of Feb, there is no money due to me and I still owe the college funds for classes I didn't take. =( Perfect.
So, here I thought I was taking some steps forward, trying to get ahead in life, and as always, have been put in my place feeling lower than normal.
I'm off to go clean a Scout shirt with a smile on my face so I can enjoy the wonderful smile and hug I will receive when the wearer puts it on feeling loved. =)
Oh, and I am wearing green so don't pinch me.
Happy St Patty's Day.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Cars (not the Disney movie)
So, My dear friend Jessica ran over a pothole the other day and blogged about how she changed the tires, got a little messy, but thanks to a loving father who taught her basics, she managed to get it all taken care of.
This got me thinking of my great friend Janell. I have to say the only thing reckless that we did in high school was drive reckless cars. When Janell turned 16, she got a gold Crown Vic that looked like undercover/non-undercover police cars. We use to love following people just to mess with them. We did a lot of things we shouldn't have in her car, such as changing driver/passenger seats while driving 75 on the highway between St Joe and Oregon. We went to support her boyfriend at a baseball game one night and on the way home, we missed a turn and ended up having to make a u-turn in the middle of the highway. As we were across both lanes of traffic on the dark, two lane highway, the car stalled. Ka-put. We had already passed 2 cars so we knew that some cars were coming from behind, and as we looked toward what should've been oncoming traffic, we saw more cars coming. We felt like a stalled car on some train tracks. As I opened the door to get out of the car and make a run for it, Janell miraculously got the car started and we were able to finish the u-turn and make our "missed" turn and proceed home.
Though we took our Ford Bronco to Missouri with us, the same Ford Bronco that my mom drove us around in, that Mike drove to school, seminary and many other places, the Bronco that Jenny drove me and her to school in (when she lived with us), I was not allowed to drive it. It was a gas hog, 7ish miles to the gallon, the gas gauge didn't work, so we had to calculate everything, and seminary was about 7 miles itself outside of town, so I understood why I couldn't drive Bobby and I to seminary and school (though I have no clue why when he got his license he was allowed to drive it. Either way, that has nothing to do with this story, so I'll proceed.)
(this isn't the Monte Carlo I drove, but it is pretty similar. The one I drove was black and still a big pimpin car.)
Instead of the Bronco, I got to drive a '76 Monte Carlo. It was my mom's boyfriends car when he was in high school or something. It had a black exterior, black interior, had been refurbished twice already and was in desperate need of being refurbished again. What do I mean by refurbish??? You could crawl into the trunk from one side and crawl out the other side (Bobby did it a couple times.) It was so rusty that parts were constantly flying off the vehicle whether you were going 10 mph or 65. I was driving over the Missouri River one day with Bobby and a couple friends joking about the car and I made a comment about how one of the tires could come off and I'd laugh. As we hit the top of the bridge, the front passenger tire came right off and rolled down the rest of the bridge. Thanks to Bobby who ran and got the tire and lugnuts (yes, the lugnuts came off so teh axel plate was complete;y flat) and brought it back, but when the wheel came off, it damaged the door and front fender so we were no longer able to open the passenger door, which put a huge damper on giving people rides. I have to admit, some of the coolest things about this car was that it had swivel driver and passenger seats, and that no one in a 400 mile radius of St. Joe drove a car like mine. (That might also be why I got to be the popular unpopular chick.) I was grateful to have a car to drive, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I would've rather walked or hitched a ride.
One of my favorite stories in the Beast was Janell's and my trip to Savannah one day that our school let out early. It was spring cause I remember everything was green. It wasn't too hot and there wasn't any snow so probably about Marchish. We thought we'd drive up to Savannah (which is only a hop skip and a jump North of St Joe) and stalk who I think by then was Janell's ex. Yes, the ex that we went all around northwest Missouri to see play football and baseball.
(this is Highway 59. This is about where we had our spinout.)
We were driving on the highway 59 which is a beautiful highway. It is a little smaller than major expressways but bigger than a two lane highway/road. We were chatting away, listening to oldies, passing pokie drivers, letting the wind blow through our hair when the car takes control of itself, does a double 360 in the middle of the grassy highway and then finally stops. There is dust all around our car, filling the air in the car, and I am frozen.
What the heck just happened?!
"Janell?"
"Janell? Are you ok?" I can't see a thing or hear anything. I'm reaching frantically around trying to see through the dust and see if she's ok.
"Whoa. What happened?" she finally said.
"You ok? You hurt anywhere?" I asked her.
"Nope. Just a little startled."
"Me too."
We then started to get out of the car to see what had happened.
The dust was finally settling and we were finally getting back to the normal teenagers we were 5 minutes ago. We were walking around the car trying to see what happened. I didn't hit anything in the road, there was no smoke coming from under the hood, so the engine as far as I knew was ok. We checked the tires to see if one blew, but I didn't remember hearing anything pop. That's when we saw it. The back passenger side tire had been scalped down to the steel belts. Where was the rubber? The tread? Even still more important, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
Janell saw the tread of the tire about a 1/2 mile back and she went to go retrieve it. As she was doing that, I finally figured out that the wheel well (what was left from it since it was mostly corroded and that's how you were able to crawl into the trunk) had somehow bent down the opposite way the wheels were turning, during the perfect part of our trip, and shaved the tread right off causing us to spin in circles.
We were able to still drive the car, but we knew we couldn't make it to Savannah or back to St Joe on this gimp tire. We got to the proper side of the road and prayed. Not 15 minutes later, a guy saw us poor helpless teenagers (who didn't have cell phones cause back then, kids just didn't have cell phones) and pulled over to see what we needed help with. We explained what happened, and he magically pulled 2 tires out of his trunk. They fit the Monte Carlo perfect. One was for the messed up tire, the other was a spare for future use. We tried to get him to follow us back to St Joe to get him cash for the tires, or replace them, but he refused. Janell kept telling me how he was an angel and I could only agree with her.
It is good for girls to learn how to change spares. Though, I would leave it to the hubs or AAA, but when you're in a hurry to stalk someone it's good to know how to do these kinds of things.
This got me thinking of my great friend Janell. I have to say the only thing reckless that we did in high school was drive reckless cars. When Janell turned 16, she got a gold Crown Vic that looked like undercover/non-undercover police cars. We use to love following people just to mess with them. We did a lot of things we shouldn't have in her car, such as changing driver/passenger seats while driving 75 on the highway between St Joe and Oregon. We went to support her boyfriend at a baseball game one night and on the way home, we missed a turn and ended up having to make a u-turn in the middle of the highway. As we were across both lanes of traffic on the dark, two lane highway, the car stalled. Ka-put. We had already passed 2 cars so we knew that some cars were coming from behind, and as we looked toward what should've been oncoming traffic, we saw more cars coming. We felt like a stalled car on some train tracks. As I opened the door to get out of the car and make a run for it, Janell miraculously got the car started and we were able to finish the u-turn and make our "missed" turn and proceed home.
Though we took our Ford Bronco to Missouri with us, the same Ford Bronco that my mom drove us around in, that Mike drove to school, seminary and many other places, the Bronco that Jenny drove me and her to school in (when she lived with us), I was not allowed to drive it. It was a gas hog, 7ish miles to the gallon, the gas gauge didn't work, so we had to calculate everything, and seminary was about 7 miles itself outside of town, so I understood why I couldn't drive Bobby and I to seminary and school (though I have no clue why when he got his license he was allowed to drive it. Either way, that has nothing to do with this story, so I'll proceed.)
(this isn't the Monte Carlo I drove, but it is pretty similar. The one I drove was black and still a big pimpin car.)Instead of the Bronco, I got to drive a '76 Monte Carlo. It was my mom's boyfriends car when he was in high school or something. It had a black exterior, black interior, had been refurbished twice already and was in desperate need of being refurbished again. What do I mean by refurbish??? You could crawl into the trunk from one side and crawl out the other side (Bobby did it a couple times.) It was so rusty that parts were constantly flying off the vehicle whether you were going 10 mph or 65. I was driving over the Missouri River one day with Bobby and a couple friends joking about the car and I made a comment about how one of the tires could come off and I'd laugh. As we hit the top of the bridge, the front passenger tire came right off and rolled down the rest of the bridge. Thanks to Bobby who ran and got the tire and lugnuts (yes, the lugnuts came off so teh axel plate was complete;y flat) and brought it back, but when the wheel came off, it damaged the door and front fender so we were no longer able to open the passenger door, which put a huge damper on giving people rides. I have to admit, some of the coolest things about this car was that it had swivel driver and passenger seats, and that no one in a 400 mile radius of St. Joe drove a car like mine. (That might also be why I got to be the popular unpopular chick.) I was grateful to have a car to drive, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I would've rather walked or hitched a ride.
One of my favorite stories in the Beast was Janell's and my trip to Savannah one day that our school let out early. It was spring cause I remember everything was green. It wasn't too hot and there wasn't any snow so probably about Marchish. We thought we'd drive up to Savannah (which is only a hop skip and a jump North of St Joe) and stalk who I think by then was Janell's ex. Yes, the ex that we went all around northwest Missouri to see play football and baseball.
(this is Highway 59. This is about where we had our spinout.)We were driving on the highway 59 which is a beautiful highway. It is a little smaller than major expressways but bigger than a two lane highway/road. We were chatting away, listening to oldies, passing pokie drivers, letting the wind blow through our hair when the car takes control of itself, does a double 360 in the middle of the grassy highway and then finally stops. There is dust all around our car, filling the air in the car, and I am frozen.
What the heck just happened?!
"Janell?"
"Janell? Are you ok?" I can't see a thing or hear anything. I'm reaching frantically around trying to see through the dust and see if she's ok.
"Whoa. What happened?" she finally said.
"You ok? You hurt anywhere?" I asked her.
"Nope. Just a little startled."
"Me too."
We then started to get out of the car to see what had happened.
The dust was finally settling and we were finally getting back to the normal teenagers we were 5 minutes ago. We were walking around the car trying to see what happened. I didn't hit anything in the road, there was no smoke coming from under the hood, so the engine as far as I knew was ok. We checked the tires to see if one blew, but I didn't remember hearing anything pop. That's when we saw it. The back passenger side tire had been scalped down to the steel belts. Where was the rubber? The tread? Even still more important, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
Janell saw the tread of the tire about a 1/2 mile back and she went to go retrieve it. As she was doing that, I finally figured out that the wheel well (what was left from it since it was mostly corroded and that's how you were able to crawl into the trunk) had somehow bent down the opposite way the wheels were turning, during the perfect part of our trip, and shaved the tread right off causing us to spin in circles.
We were able to still drive the car, but we knew we couldn't make it to Savannah or back to St Joe on this gimp tire. We got to the proper side of the road and prayed. Not 15 minutes later, a guy saw us poor helpless teenagers (who didn't have cell phones cause back then, kids just didn't have cell phones) and pulled over to see what we needed help with. We explained what happened, and he magically pulled 2 tires out of his trunk. They fit the Monte Carlo perfect. One was for the messed up tire, the other was a spare for future use. We tried to get him to follow us back to St Joe to get him cash for the tires, or replace them, but he refused. Janell kept telling me how he was an angel and I could only agree with her.
It is good for girls to learn how to change spares. Though, I would leave it to the hubs or AAA, but when you're in a hurry to stalk someone it's good to know how to do these kinds of things.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Sick
Ok, so early in January I got a sore throat which put me out. I needed to call into work, but didn't and after nearly 5 hours of whining they finally let me go to the dr for some antibiotics. Ya, I didn't understand why I needed antibiotics for a sore throat either.
Last Saturday, I had a real scratchy sore throat. I didn't think much of it, and then Monday, my head felt like it was going to explode. I diagnosed it as allergies, took some Zyrtec and let it be. Today, I woke up and have a miniscule headache, coughing fits, and phlegm in my throat.
This sucks.
Last Saturday, I had a real scratchy sore throat. I didn't think much of it, and then Monday, my head felt like it was going to explode. I diagnosed it as allergies, took some Zyrtec and let it be. Today, I woke up and have a miniscule headache, coughing fits, and phlegm in my throat.
This sucks.
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