Obviously, since you didn't hear an Hallelujah from my side of town last week, we are not pregnant. We passed all our tests except the important one... the pregnancy test.
A lot of things happened which made me believe I was, but I think I wanted it so badly, and even though I was trying to keep an open mind, I still only heard what I wanted to.
This means we are starting our second round of Clomid. I'm pretty excited about it.
However, I must say, I'm getting a little tired of the whole thing. This month I talked with a friend quite a bit about the going ons in my non pregnant life. We talked about how you take the tests, you take the temperatures, you analyze everything (which is great because most girls are great at analyzing and over analyzing) and once you find out you're pregnant, you still have 8 and a half months to go! I was told that it can be a loong pregnancy. From working in an OB/GYN office, I know that by month 7-8 most women are ready for the baby to be out! Some women don't even know when they're pregnant. So, in a way, I will be missing the surprise of, "OMG, I think we're pregnant!"
That got me thinking today that maybe if we don't get pregnant this round, we'll take some time off from "trying". I have just over a year left for my associates. I've noticed that sometimes when people get things they want, they don't work as hard for other things and I don't want to be one of those people that gets pregnant and doesn't finish my degree. I've already let too many things get in my way.
Furthermore, I would love to be able to just have the same mentality I did before all this and just let nature take it's course. There are women who get pregnant well into their 30's and the baby and mother are just fine.
There is a lot of thoughts going through my mind. Some of them organized, some of them a horrible train wreck. Right now, I feel that I will finish out this cycle, and if the end result is "negative", I can take all the energy and emotion I am putting into trying to conceive into becoming a better person.
3 comments:
You know what they say, it is usually when you stop trying is when it happens :) I think you are already a pretty awesome person and am so grateful for ur friendship. Love you!
you are so sweet to share how you really feel. thanks for your honesty.. We will be praying for ya :)
We love you! And it will happen...you know it. And I agree with Andrea. :) When things do happen you are going to be one awesome mommy!!
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